I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
