nut hugger
I faked an abortion last night.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
