So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I will pee on everything he values.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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