The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
