I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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