My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
