so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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