I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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