playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
