Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
