You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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