dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
