Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
