between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Text me some of your sweat
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