It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
