Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
