that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
