I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
