God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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