I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
