I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize