Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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