dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
