Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
