Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
