wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
