Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
