went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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