Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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