I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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