drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
