Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
