'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
