Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
