so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
