You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
