Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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