Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I will pee on everything he values.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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