I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
