I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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