This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
