Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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