Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I could make wine with my vomit
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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