My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I want her autograph on my taint
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i now understand why vodka
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
