He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
