My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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