I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
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Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
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Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I need a hoe opinion
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.