I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
