we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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