I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
