The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
