I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
