he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
