Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
