I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
