I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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