So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
