Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
