Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
