the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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