3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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