Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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