I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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