dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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