yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Couch. On fire.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
