if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
