My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I want a musical about memes.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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