i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
